


Oh Come On, There Are Worse Things You've Caught Me Doing

by lilsmartass



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-14 08:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsmartass/pseuds/lilsmartass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony plans a surprise for Steve. It goes wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Come On, There Are Worse Things You've Caught Me Doing

**Oh Come On, There Are Worse Things You’ve Caught Me Doing**

“In my defence,” says Tony, chains on the cuffs rattling on the metal table as he pulls at them slightly, wishing he could fold his arms, or at least straighten into a slightly more dignified position, “this is all Steve’s fault.” If he is hoping for the multitude of eyes to slide to Steve, scowling and still wearing his torn and blood and grime stained uniform, he is out of luck. Clint is openly sniggering, leaning against the wall, mostly depleted quiver in his arms. Bruce looks almost as unimpressed as Coulson, which is saying something because Coulson looks like he wants to rip off Tony’s balls and make him eat them, possibly because there is a lot of paperwork involved in finding one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes in this situation. Judging by the way he is standing, or what Tony can see of him from the way he is bent, which is not much from the knees up, Spiderman’s face is as red as his suit. Johnny Storm is fiddling with something which is definitely not a Starkphone but looks perfectly capable of taking photographs and, somewhat unsportingly, Tony thinks sourly, Fury isn’t moving to stop him, simply looking at Tony with mingled disgust and smug amusement. Natasha and Pepper, Natasha just as battle-mussed as Steve, and Pepper looking perfectly polished in her usual suit and heels, are whispering and giggling with one another, but any hope that they aren’t paying attention to him is lost by the way their eyes keep darting his way. Tony would be disconcerted by the giggling, but really, that is hardly the worst thing about this situation. Even Thor looks displeased with him, as if he were a puppy who had piddled on the floor. Tony feels a blush rise up, and ruthlessly pushes down the impulse. He’s done worse things than this on the internet and he hasn’t blushed since before he went to boarding school, he isn’t going to start that deplorable habit again now. The chains rattle again, God, he wished he hadn’t cuffed himself over the damn table now. “It’s not a fucking spectator sport,” he snaps, looking at Steve in mute appeal and unable to stop another helpless wriggle as his body, yet again, forgets about the restraints and tries to straighten.

 

Steve, the bastard, does not take pity on him. He pulls off his cowl and runs a hand through sweat darkened hair. He looks gorgeous like this, rough and ready, but Tony deliberately isn’t thinking about that because the last, the very last, thing he needs right now is an unwanted erection. Steve’s scowl deepens and his eyes dart to Tony’s phone, sitting about a foot further from his right hand than the chain connecting him to the table allows him to reach and happily blinking it’s little red light to let him know he has unseen messages. “This is why you didn’t answer the Avengers Assemble call?” he asks, not sounding amused.

 

Tony gives his best impression of his usual sarcastic sneer, but he expects the affect was lost somewhat on his obviously embarrassed features. He rattles the chains more meaningfully. “Yeah, I was a bit tied up!”

 

Nobody takes the hint and moves forward to help him. They all just regard him with varied expressions of amusement, anger and disappointment. “Tony,” Pepper sighs, like he’s a child who’s scribbled on the walls or like he made another sex tape after he promised he wouldn’t, which reminds him.

 

“JARVIS,” he says, relieved his voice sounds like normal, “cease recording.” “Yes sir,” answers the AI, and Tony is sure he’s laughing too. Why he’d given his AI a sarcastic personality is beyond him.

 

0No one looks surprised, but Clint gives a high pitched giggle and clamps a hand firmly over his mouth as Coulson turns his wrathful expression on him. “And why are you cuffed to a table in your workshop Stark?” Fury asks after a second, cutting to the heart of the matter with practiced efficiency.

 

“Seriously? You’re not going to untie me first?” There’s no answer simply a room of disapproving expressions and Spiderman’s shuffling feet. Tony gives an aggrieved sigh. “It’s ah...a funny story.” “Looks like,” Clint drawls. Coulson slaps him in the stomach with the back of his hand and he doubles over wheezing but at least silent. Tony tries to turn his head enough to focus on Steve and talk to him as opposed to the room at large. “I wasn’t expecting an Assemble call.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“And I thought it’d be, you know, sexy to set this place up and wait for you to come down and remind me I hadn’t eaten or something and I’d just be sort of...here.” If he hopes that’s enough information to get him off the hook he’s mistaken.

 

“So you stripped and cuffed yourself down and waited?” Steve asks in faint disbelief, “How long have you been here?”

 

“A while,” Tony admits, suppressing a wince, he really isn’t young enough to be bent in this position for so long, but at least there’s something more than anger in Steve’s eyes for Tony’s utter failure to show up for the battle now, something that looks suspiciously like it thinks Tony had a good idea. He steps a little closer, angling his body to afford Tony some small measure of privacy, which is a bit late to do him any actual good but the gesture is appreciated. “So, are you going to untie me?”

 

Steve gives a long suffering sigh, “Where’s the key?”

 

“Ummm...” he hadn’t thought of that. This time there’s no keeping the blush of his face will power or not.

 

“You didn’t swallow it did you?”

 

“Not exactly...”

 

“Tony,” Steve’s voice holds a warning tone. Tony drops his head, studying the many burns and scratches on the table’s top.

 

“I maybe...sort of...look, in my mind I knew your fingers would be you know, so I...” he trails off and mumbles something into the steel surface of the table.

 

“I’m sorry,” says Steve with deadly calm, “I didn’t catch that.”

 

“It’s in my ass!” Tony all but shouts, face flaming as brightly enough to make him a better contender for the role of the human torch than Iron Man.

 

“Ewwww,” says Clint loudly, and unhelpfully. Natasha gives an unladylike snort.

 

“You know,” says Spiderman, “I think I can hear some crime outside. I’ll go and look into that.”

 

“I’ll come and help you,” Bruce agrees, “Thor?”

 

“Nay, I hear nothing and this is most amusing.”

 

“Why didn’t you lock the door?” Pepper asks, sounding genuinely puzzled that someone could be so disorganised. It’s like she doesn’t even know him.

 

“I did lock the door. You put in your emergency medical override and JARVIS is a traitor.” He’s trying to muster his indignation, but really he knows this is his fault. When they hadn’t been able to raise him on his phone or standard SHIELD communicator (on the other side of the lab, under a tool box and a half drunk mug of coffee), the Avengers had tried to contact him through JARVIS and he’d been, understandably in his opinion but perhaps less so in theirs, deliberately uninformative. He had, perhaps, implied he had better things to do than stop whichever evil was hell bent on terrorising the citizens of New York today, which had been true, he was at that point, attempting to pick the lock on the cuffs with a piece of wire clutched between his teeth, but had brought their wrath - and presence - down on him. He’s supposed to be a genius, he should probably have forseen that.

 

Steve sighs, leaning forward he take hold of the connecting chain and pulls hard. The metal of the table screeches as the chain drags roughly against it and Tony gasps as the cuffs bite into his wrist, but after a second the chain snaps. Tony stands with a groan at the pain in his newly stretching back. His dick, soft and nestled against his black pubic curls, long since bored with the situation, twitches slightly at the show of strength and he drops his hands quickly to hide it. Standing, he feels less embarrassed, even naked, at least he has control of his body again. He surveys the room with an unimpressed eyebrow. “Well?” he demands archly when none of them move.

 

Coulson pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Have you at least learned something from this?”

 

Stark nods, the grin spreading across his face enough to deter Coulson from asking what, exactly, he has learned. Show obviously over, the remaining Avengers, minus Steve, turn to leave, Johnny Storm flashing a wink over his shoulder at Steve as he does so. At last only Fury stands, framed in the doorway, glaring at them with his good eye. Under the stare, even Tony feels a little self conscious and fidgets slightly from foot to foot. He crosses his arms over his chest, starting and dropping them back down when Fury barks, “For God’s sake Stark!”

 

They regard one another. It is Tony who breaks first. “I’m sorry OK. I won’t miss another Assemble because I’m handcuffed to a table unless there’s a bad guy involved.” Steve growls low in his throat, Tony hides yet another twitch in his dick by lacing his fingers together and reminds himself to tell Steve how attractive Loki is later to see if he can goad him into getting possessive.

 

“Next time you miss an Assemble due to a stunt like this, I’ll handcuff to Coulson where he can keep an eye on you.”

 

Tony opens his mouth to let loose another snide remark and Steve interrupts him to say “Understood sir,” fingers biting in to Tony’s shoulder.

 

Tony smirks up at him, insouciant and totally comfortable in his still bare skin. He lifts one hand, covering his modesty with the other and rattles the still attached cuff bracelet under Steve’s nose. “So Rogers, going to help me get the key out?” he says too cheerfully.

 

The door slams as Fury stalks out of the room and Steve finally unleashes his own smirk. “I suppose I could help you with that,” he drawls in his usual butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth tone, and pushes Tony back down over the table.


End file.
